Saturday, February 12, 2011

Day 24: One more day

So I was getting ready to do my daily blog with no idea what I was going to write just opened the blog while listining to my music. As soon as I open the editing part of the blog this song one more day by diamond rio came on. I made me cry a little. Luckily I had my monster #2 to comfort me. If you have never heard that song its goes something like this
Last night I had a crazy dream

A wish was granted just for me,

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money

Or a mansion in malibu

I simply wished, for one more day with you


One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl

Then I'd unplug the telephone

And keep the tv off

I'd hold you every second

Say a million I love you's

That's what I'd do. With one more day with you


Leave me wishing still for one more day

Leave me wishing still for one more day

which this song always gets me just in case you cant till. And he got me thinking about one more day with Brien. Every time i hear that i think about just having one more day which would lead to wanting one more day. Everyday i write this blog it gets harder and harder trying to go back to a place i wish i could still  go to. remembering sometimes hurts. I didnt think this blog would be so hard to do. but everyday i write or even copy paste from someone else i cry. i havent cry so much in so long, not that crying is bad. I really miss Brien. I wish i could just call him and hang out with him. I know that i may not be the person i am today if Brien were still alive but somedays I am ok with that. I cherish every memory I have with Brien. Even just sitting in my room playing truth or dare. or talking. or him making fun of my crush on Mike Damico. I wish Brien was here to make fun of my crush on Brandon now. Or to just hang out with him. Everything I do I wish Brien could be there too. sometimes I feel guilty I can do things he cant, which makes me a little reserved in my emotions truth be told. I know thats wrong but its the truth. And going into this blog I only wanted to state things that are true even if people cant understand my emotions or thoughts. I know Brien wouldnt want me to feel reserved in my feelings. I know Brien would want me to live life to its fullest like he did. Brien was so full of life. Sometimes I look at my nephew DJ(he is not my blood nephew he is my bestie's youngest son) and I see alot of Brien. So full of life. Whatever emotion he feels he feels it big. DJ is so animated like Brien was. Full of life always wanting to do something fun and exciting. Sometimes I feel that maybe thats Brien telling me to live like this. Big, Full of life. I know wondering all those what ifs wont get me anywhere. somedays its hard not to wonder though. I know Brien is in a better place, i know this. I know we will be together someday. He is up there playing hard and enjoying heaven this I know. But it doesnt mean we dont miss him down here on earth. Well I have a feeling that this blog has gone one long enough with all my rambling thats what I get for not being prepared.
{there is a story behind this picture, we were at Knotts Scary farm... we were pretending to be scared for the picture. }

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