Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Brien Project extended

So I know I keep saying that this is my last post on the Brien Project at least 2 times but I have decided that I dont only think of Brien once a year I think of him all year around So the Brien Project is here to stay. I wont post on it daily again until next year but I will pop back every now and again. I have another Blog that will now host my everyday whatever living called 15 minutes with Aimee. There you will find my regular post, pictures both personal and from AimeeLeigh Photography. So if you still want to send me something on Brien feel free to, this blog is here to stay. Dont forget to follow me on the new blog too. Thank you everyone who took the time to read this blog about Brien. He is truly missed greatly.  

Thursday, February 17, 2011

From Mom

( I know I said yesterday would be my last post on the Brien project until next year but my mom asked me to post this and you just cant say no to that.)
 I am so thankful to all of our family and friends that were able to attend the Ghetto Fire in the memory of Brien, Curtis and Katie. It really is so comforting to know that so many people think of Brien and that these three amazing teens have touched the lives of so many people. I cannot express enough, as Brien's mom, how much it warms my heart to know that Brien has not been forgotten. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping Brien the heart of the game!!!

Happy Heavenly Birthday to my son Brien, who is celebrating his 10th birthday with Jesus today in Heaven. I miss you & love you so very much, Brien. You will be in my heart forever. I am so thankful to Jesus for teaching me through the years to hold on to Him. Without Jesus this day would be sad and depressing. But today I celebrate Brien's life and I am thankful for the 14 years I had with him on this earth. I am thankful that he is in the arms of Jesus.

"Peace is not the absence of crisis but the presence of Christ"

In Christ there is peace!!!

If you are sad today then reach out and hold on to Jesus. He will give you that deep peace and rest. He will give you that peace that no one can understand. A peace that only Jesus can give.

Through these past 10 years Jesus has taught me so much and I would like to share a few quotes and scriptures that helped me through the rough times. I hope you too can find the peace of Christ.

Deuteronomy 32:4 - He is the Rock! His work is perfect, For all His ways are just; A God of faithfulness and without injustice, Righteous and upright is He.

"Life will never look fair. But when we trust God, we always know that He is faithful" ~~Dave Branon~~

"I have been through the valley of weeping, the valley of sorrow and pain; But the God of all comfort was with me, at hand to uphold and sustain" ~~Anonymous~~

Genesis 50:20 - You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

"Sometimes it's hard to trust the Lord when you don't understand. But fight the urge to run from Him ~ Reach out and take His hand" ~~Sper~~

Psalms 34:19 - The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.

Lamentations 3:22 - Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

"When our hearts hurt because of loss, we can find hope in our Lord, who never changes" ~~David C McCasland

"Grief is messy. All of us grieve at one time or another, including those of us who are Christ followers. For the believer, however, there is something beyond tears, pain and loss. There is HOPE."

My prayer for each of you is that you can find that peace that only Christ can give. I pray that you will not be sad and depressed but that you will be celebrating along with Brien that he is in heaven with our Lord. I pray that you will take hold of Jesus hand and never let go. I pray that you will walk daily with Christ and live in His peace.

Let's all rejoice and be glad. Brien loves to laugh and smile so let's laugh and smile with him. I know one day I will once again see my son and believe me I will hold him tight. I pray that you too will have that assurance of seeing Brien again in Heaven and living forever with Jesus.

In the arms of Jesus and forever in our hearts.

Also I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Karen, Brandon's mom, who is celebrating her birthday in heaven with her mom and knowing Brien I am sure he is in on the party too. So happy 50th Karen. You are loved and missed greatly.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Day 28: The Aftermath

When your world shatteres into a million pieces on the floor, its hard to put those pieces back together again. It will never be the same.
This is my last post on the Brien Project this year, it will be back next year. My blog will go back to just me blogging about whatver my heart desires. Doing the Brien Project has helpe me express the way I feel and I am greatful for all that read it.
The aftermath so much of this project has been dedicated to who my brother was. I want to take this time and show you all the lives he touched in such a short time. There is a basketball court dedicated to him at ramona jr high, a tree planted in memory of him at Anna Borba Elemenatry, an award in his name given at Ramona jr high and for Brien, Katie and Curtis there are three tress planted on the corner of Walnut and Euclid.  These three kids are still touching lives today. Thank you so much to all the family and friends who were able to come to the ghetto fire and those that were with us in spirit and were praying. Words could never express our love and gratitude to you.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day 27: Shattered

Ten years ago today I learned a very hard lesson, the lesson that yes it can happen to you too. Ten years ago today I lost my little brother Brien and two great friends Katie and Curtis. They went out to a basketball game at Ontario High. Loaded themselves in the back seat of Katie's parents car with Joe and Katy(Katie's mom and dad) in the front seats. It was just another typical teenage trip, not going but 2 miles away. Yet they didnt even get that far, about 3 blocks in, the first light they came to. Their lives, our lives were forever changed. When a man decided to run a red light and hit the car my brother and friends were in. Katie, Brien and Curtis were killed on impact. In an instant my life forever changed. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Being woken from a nap, my mom saying that Brien had been an accident, rushing to the hospital, somehow hearing the news. Going to my dads, waking up Kurt. Telling Kurt the news. Holding Kurt in my arms as we both cried. Running hard and fast to anywhere but there. Somehow found myself walking with Mike. Calling Kristin. And then walking walking for hours with what was left of the neighbourhood kids. Just walking all night. Not sleeping, just walking. My life fell in to a million pieces. Shattered, broken, lost. I felt like that that day. I lost so much that night, my brother, my friends, my hero, and a part of me. Ten years sometimes feels like a lifetime ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday. Today will be a hard day, I have already cried many times. Today will be a day to remember all the joy that those 3 beautiful people gave this world in their short lives. I am so very grateful that Brien saved my life and dragged my out to play when I was 13. I got to meet and become friends with Katie and Curtis. And I wouldnt changed that for the world. I miss them so much and love them even more. 

Monday, February 14, 2011

Day 26: The gift of Love

So today is valentines day... which is nice and all dont get me wrong but it always no matter what makes me sad. 10 years ago this was the last day my brother ever said goodnight to my parents and his siblings. The last day he he watched the sunset. But I wouldnt trade the 14 years I had with him for anything. He taught me how to love, and what love really is. He saved my life. I am by no means a writer and so words are fleeting to me but pictures that I can do. I speak pictures. So today with all the love in my heart I made this video. It brings me to tears just talking about it. I hope this video shows you just a glimpse of who Brien was, a boy full of love, life and laughter.

*Disclaimer get the box of tissues out*

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Day 25: ICC{mosiac}

Today our church Mosiac Inland (formally Inland Community Church) said goodbye to a building that as been another home for my family and I for the last 18 years. The church is moving on to bigger and better things reaching more people in a new location. And while the building on shaffer ave is just that a building with drywall and paint and carpet it holds within its walls a million memories of Brien. Everywhere I look in the church brought a memory, even though the church has changed physically I remember it the way it was. It brought me to tears a few times. Some of my favorite memories of Brien and ICC are.
Firstly Church plays: Brien was a little actor. He pretty much always got big roles. His biggest role was a main character of bad boy Billy. in GT and the Halo express. Which even now is kind of funny being as how the other characers that Billy is supposed to bully are at least a head taller then him. Brien played bad boy Billy pretty well. Anyone who may have that play on tape I would love to watch it. Another play Brien had a supporting role in was a play for the life of me i cant remember the name of. It is base on the what if Jesus was born in the western days. Brien played a cowboy(sheppard) and boy was he funny. I believe that was the same play my dad played the same character in the adult version. I wish I could remember the name of the play. Melanye help? :)
Secondly AWANAs. Our whole family was invovled with AWANAs. It was a big deal in our family. Brien was no exception. He enjoyed it. He was a ham. You could hear Brien playing the games no matter where you were. to have  Brien on your team ment you prolly got the biggest team spirit award. Also AWANAs makes me think of family dinners at Bakers. We used to eat there every wednesday before AWANAs, Brien pretty much always got the burrito budget meal which meant the car ride to AWANAs was always a little stinky.
Thirdly the Power House: I have alot of fun memories of Brien and I in the youth program but my favorite would be Brien last New Years Eve all nighter. Katie and Curtis and pretty much the whole neighourhood was there. The youth put on an all nighter that night. It was the most fun I ever remember having on new years eve before or since. They had this huge blow up what we called king of the mountain. it was basically a huge circular blow up thing with a taller moving circular thing in the middle. we would wrestle and fight to be "king of the mountain". I think Katie was the overall winner. She stompped those boys and when we did boys against girls (meaning Katie and me verses all the boys, really fair right) we won. Katie was one tough chick. They also had these super trikes that we woulld race outside, Brien and Curtis and Matt were going around super fast and Curtis totally biff it. but in true Curtis form he got up like nothing happened. But Katie and I never laughed so hard. That night is a night I will always remember.

{Brien shaking the hand of a AWANA leader.}

{Brien on my dad and Jan's wedding day cast and all. They got married at ICC}

{Brien as a cowboy in the play I cant remember the name of. Brien is sitting on the barrel}

{Tim, Jonathon and Brien the three cowboys}

While its hard to say goodbye to a building holding so many great memories, i am glad that I got so many with Brien there. So thanks for holding the memories Shaffer Building. And I know that there is only going to be great things for Mosiac in the future.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Day 24: One more day

So I was getting ready to do my daily blog with no idea what I was going to write just opened the blog while listining to my music. As soon as I open the editing part of the blog this song one more day by diamond rio came on. I made me cry a little. Luckily I had my monster #2 to comfort me. If you have never heard that song its goes something like this
Last night I had a crazy dream

A wish was granted just for me,

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money

Or a mansion in malibu

I simply wished, for one more day with you


One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl

Then I'd unplug the telephone

And keep the tv off

I'd hold you every second

Say a million I love you's

That's what I'd do. With one more day with you


Leave me wishing still for one more day

Leave me wishing still for one more day

which this song always gets me just in case you cant till. And he got me thinking about one more day with Brien. Every time i hear that i think about just having one more day which would lead to wanting one more day. Everyday i write this blog it gets harder and harder trying to go back to a place i wish i could still  go to. remembering sometimes hurts. I didnt think this blog would be so hard to do. but everyday i write or even copy paste from someone else i cry. i havent cry so much in so long, not that crying is bad. I really miss Brien. I wish i could just call him and hang out with him. I know that i may not be the person i am today if Brien were still alive but somedays I am ok with that. I cherish every memory I have with Brien. Even just sitting in my room playing truth or dare. or talking. or him making fun of my crush on Mike Damico. I wish Brien was here to make fun of my crush on Brandon now. Or to just hang out with him. Everything I do I wish Brien could be there too. sometimes I feel guilty I can do things he cant, which makes me a little reserved in my emotions truth be told. I know thats wrong but its the truth. And going into this blog I only wanted to state things that are true even if people cant understand my emotions or thoughts. I know Brien wouldnt want me to feel reserved in my feelings. I know Brien would want me to live life to its fullest like he did. Brien was so full of life. Sometimes I look at my nephew DJ(he is not my blood nephew he is my bestie's youngest son) and I see alot of Brien. So full of life. Whatever emotion he feels he feels it big. DJ is so animated like Brien was. Full of life always wanting to do something fun and exciting. Sometimes I feel that maybe thats Brien telling me to live like this. Big, Full of life. I know wondering all those what ifs wont get me anywhere. somedays its hard not to wonder though. I know Brien is in a better place, i know this. I know we will be together someday. He is up there playing hard and enjoying heaven this I know. But it doesnt mean we dont miss him down here on earth. Well I have a feeling that this blog has gone one long enough with all my rambling thats what I get for not being prepared.
{there is a story behind this picture, we were at Knotts Scary farm... we were pretending to be scared for the picture. }

Friday, February 11, 2011

Day 23: Spotlight ~ Kaitlyn aka Kake

Here is the Spotlight on my baby sister Kaitlyn aka Kake. When I read this it made me cry a little.
In the words of Kake

So.. I was only ten when Brien died which means I don't have many memories of him. The ones i do remember however are the ones I will cherish forever. I remember playing basketball with him and things like kick the can. It was crazy though, cause whenever we went to Dad's he would just dissapear over to Katie's or Curtis' house. Oh but I do remember dark tag and sock wars (even though we weren't supposed to play... sorry dad n jan but we were rebels) but the BIGGEST memory of all wasn't during his life.. but after... the crash site and the funeral... the crash site i remember the most vivid.. I was with my dad and Kurt and we were going to get me some gloves for my awana olympics tug of war competition. we passed by and there it was.. the accident. We had NO idea it was Brien in that car with Katie and Curtis but i knew something wasn't right. I remember looking at Kurt and saying "That's gonna be in the news" not know I too would be in the news grieving over my lost loved ones.. Needless to say I got my gloves and ended up winning the competition in Brien's name. Anyways I wrote this poem maybe a couple of weeks after the accident..

Don't Forget
by Kaitlyn Maloney

As I lay here thinking of my brother

Remembering in an instant he was dead

Seeing the deadly impact of the crash

It is constantly running through my head

People act like nothing really happened

They continue to live their lives

Rushing to get from one place to another

As if everyone lives and nobody dies

But your time may come sooner than you think

Or you may become older than you wish

Whatever the case, don't take life for granite

Treat it as you would a fragile dish

Tell people you love that you really love them

Don't forget, for I forgot to tell him

To Brien:

I love you and miss you more than words will ever be able to describe.. I wonder everyday what you would be like, what I would be like if you were around. But I know who I am because of you. Through my struggles of dealing with your death.. I became me.
{Brien and Kake}

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Day 22: Angel Eyes

This poem was written shortly after my brother's death.

Angel Eyes
by Aimee-Leigh Maloney

I dont remember when I first saw him
or when he said his first word
But I do remember his big blue eyes
those Angel Eyes
Eyes that sprakled when he laughed
Eyes that danced when he played
Eyes that looked out for me
even when I should have been looking over him
His eyes gave you hope
when you thought all was gone
Now when all hope is lost
I have not him to look upon
He was too young to leave
Now  I know his Angel Eyes look over me.

Day 21: Music

I ment to post this yesterday but with a blinding headache and cold I just couldnt look at a computer long enough to post it.
I was watching the new show "Traffic Light" on hulu. In case you havent seen it, its based on the lives of three friends in there late 20's, early 30's. Whom have been friends since college or even earlier into childhood. I found the show cute and funny. It kept refering to a phatom friend named Ben. They kept talking about him and "Ben's thing" they are dreading to attend. They talked alot about Ben's favorite band chambawamba - you know that band that sing "you get knock down, but you get up again". Anyways without telling you the whole plot. I will just say  it really got me remembering songs I enjoyed with Brien. Two songs really stick in my mind the first one is "Baby got Back." as i remember clearing singing it with Brien, Katie and Curtis numerous times. The other song "I believe I can fly" was one of Briens favs. Hearing both of these songs get me everytime. I just want to go back to that moment with my brother. A time when life was simple and we were care free. I wish we could still have those moments. I know we will have them again one day.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Day 20: Holidays Part 2 ~ Christmas

So has you can imagine the holidays growing up are super crazy at my house. 8 Kids dont seem to be too quiet when santa comes to town. We have so many traditions between my two houses that I could even began to describe them all. From Christmas eve service, to santa, to singing happy birthday Jesus,to secert santas, to having all the kids sleep in the same room. I mean the list goes on and on. Of course now that Brien is gone alot of those tradition have been put aside for new ones. Christmas with Brien and the rest of the siblings was always a sight to see. I am sure to a stranger it would look chaotic but in reality it was truely orginized. Brien was always animated about his gifts. And anytime the christmas chaos was over Brien would run straight to his friends houses to show off his gifts and to play with them. Well here is Brien and family during christmas time

Monday, February 7, 2011

Day 19: Holidays part 1 ~ Easter

Holidays have always been a huge deal at my houses(yes two, joys of divorced parents). Easter was no exception. At my dads house We would get all dressed up for church and usually have a really good lunch family would come over and we would hunt for eggs and our baskets. And as you could imagine the house got pretty crazy with my dad and Jan's 7 children plus the cousin. But it was always fun. At my moms house it was even crazier add one more kid, money prizes and a theme. Thing got out of control for the weak hearted. I am sure some of you are stuck on the word "theme". Yep we had a different easter theme every year. Before easter we would paint dozens upon dozens of eggs. The main eggs that were a MUST to have every year, name egg(each kid painted their own egg with their name on it), the golden egg and the fools gold egg. After all the eggs are done being painted mom and Alan write numbers on them, each number is a set amount of money usualy ranging between 1 cent and 5 dollars(only one egg is worth that much sometimes more) on top of the real eggs we use plastic as well. Inside the plastic eggs are questions or sayings that are worth plus or minus money. All those questions and saying have to do with a theme, mario, sports, basically whatver the family has been into together.The kids would never know what the theme was until Easter, Alan would even dress the  part sometimes with a script in hand. Easter was always so much fun between both houses I think I can safely say  we made out with a ton of cash and lots and lots of hours of egg hunting.
Brien was very animated about the whole deal. If he won 5 cents he would be happy and joyfull if he lost money he would make some sort of face. Easter has never really been the same without him. Sadly we dont really do any of these practices anymore, partly because we are older and partly because its just not the same. Here are some photos of our Easters together
{Easter 2000, Briens last: From left to right going around the table clockwise, Kake, Brien(adio shirt) Kyle, Kurt, Aimee, Mom, and Stacey}

{Same year: Clockwise starting with stacey looking over her shoulder, Kake, Brien, Kyle,
 Kurt, Aimee and Mom}

{Clockwise left to right Kake, Aaron, Brien, Kurt, and Stacey's head}

{The Maloney boys working hard, Brien, Kyle and Kurt}

{Looking everywhere for eggs 2000, left to right, Kyle, Stacey and Brien}

{Brien looking for eggs in the backyard}

{Brien, Kurt, Kyle and Aimee}

{Easter 99: starting with Kurt, head of table, going clockwise, Kurt, Stacey,
Brien. Kake. Aaron, Mom and Aimee}

{Easter 98: starting with head of table again, Kurt, Mom, Kake, Katie, Brien, Aimee, Stacey, Kyle and Aaron}

{Easter 98, left to right Kurt, Mom, Kake, Katie, Brien, Aimee, Stacey and Aaron}

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Day 18: Spotlight : Aunt Cathy

My Aunt Cathy sent me these pictures the other day to share with you all. And as you know a picture says a thousand words.

{Christmas time at Nana Tonto's. Brien on left looking back and Kurt showing off his present}

{The Gangs all here.
  back row left to right: Wesley, Casey, Kyle, Desiree, Stacey.
Middle row left to right: Kake, Nana Tonto, Aimee(me),
Front row left to right: Brien, Aaron and Kurt}

{Brien's gravesite, the first christmas after he passes}

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Day 17: Shadows of light

I was going through an old book of mine back from 2001 and 2002. I used to write poems alot. I found this one in there dated 2/28/2002. Which would have been a little over a year since my brother, Brien, and friends Katie and Curtis were killed. So here is what 17 year old Aimee had to say.

Shadows of Light
By Aimee-Leigh

Lightly the breeze blows
on the darken street.
Shadows of light patch the ground.
That darken street
used to be filled with so much light.
Now the shadows over ride
the patches that are left,
all mingle together
scared to shine alone.
The trees cry for the missing light.
The corner ever so cold
How there used to be so much light
So bright was that light
that no darkness could overcome.
Now the darkness rides
and the saddness sings.
And lightly the breeze blows.

I remember writing that, sitting on the front porch. The neighbourhood never looked so cold. I remember thinking that that neighbourhood used to be filled with laughter and fun. Playing games, joking around, hanging out in cars. I still miss those days of duct ball, franklin, street hockey, homrun derby, texican, and goofing off. I wish someone would have taken lots of pictures of all that fun. 

Friday, February 4, 2011

Day 16: Spotlight - Jan

This next memory was sent to me by my stepmom, Jan.
Love Briens 8th grade picture.... There is a story behind it. One night at youth group there was a band playing... Fire Proof, they had cd's, shirts, and jewlery to sell. Brien kept asking me for something, with 7 kids I knew we would have to by everyone something, I kept saying no.. well I finally gave in. Also, we never bought school pictures due to the cost with 7 kids. After Brien went to be with the Lord our friends came by and they had gotten us Briens 8th grade picture.... God is so awesome, Brien had on the neckless that we bought him that night at youth group... God was letting us know that everything was okay.. Everytime I see that picture I tear up.. Thanking God for his promises....
{Brien's 8th grade school picture}

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Day 15: Birthday Picnic

Today would have been Brien's 24th Birthday. Days like today are always hard. But I wanted to celebrate Brien's life. So me and my sister Kake went and had a picnic with Brien at his gravesite. Of course Brien is upstair celebrating with the Big Man and his two best friends,Katie and Curtis and Grandma Aimee, Joe, Richard, Nana Tonto, Papa Jim, Grandpa Chambers and Uncle Danny. Who knows what kind of mischeif they are all getting into. But Kake and I had a good time remembering and laughing at all the good memories we had with Brien. We brough Carl's Jr because we all used to walk there when we were bored and grab a bite to eat or just play on the playground. I also made sure we had ranch because Brien put ranch on everything. I made Brien a card and Kake got flowers to put on the grave from my mom. And we had a picnic. After the picnic we went to Romona Jr High so I could get pictures of Brien's basketball court. All and all it was a good way to celebrate Brien's life. Although he is miss greatly I know he is in a better place. Happy Birthday Brien.

{Brien's headstone}

{Brien's headstone with flowers from mom}


{Kake and Brien}

{Myself and Brien}

{Brien and his birthday card}

{Happy birthday}

{Brien and his card and flowers}

{The inside of his card the left side says Brien}

{The right side says, Dear Brien, Happy 24th! Enjoy your party with the Big Man and your best friends! We will celebrate down here for you with some CJ's. Love Aimee and Kake}

{Lots of flowers, card and Brien with his Ranch}

{Kake enjoying the picnic}

{Me enjoying the picnic}

{Sisters with Brien}

{Brien's court at Romona reads Brien Maloney the heart of the game 2001}

{Center court}

{Brien's basketball number which is retired at Romona Jr High}

{The full court}

{I wrote Happy Bday Brien, in the sand at Romona}

Later today my best and I are going to continue the celebration of Brien's life by going to a movie. Brien you are very much miss here on earth.