Happy Birthday Brien Andrew!

Today is Brien's 25th birthday..

On my facebook page I ask if anyone want to wish Brien a Happy Birthday. I got quite a few responses.

Here are some of the happy birthdays.

Happy birthday Brien! I wish I had the honor to meet you, but I got to meet the people most like you and I'm so grateful for that. ♥ Love Natalie

‎25 years ago today I gave birth to my son, Brien Andrew. He brought so much joy and laughter to our family. I am blessed that I had 14 wonderful years with him before he went home to Jesus. He still lives in my heart and in the heart of all my children, my husband and all who knew him. I will always cherish the years I had with him and I so look forward to seeing him again one day in heaven. Thank you Jesus for your peace and keeping Brien safe and holding him on your knees!! Happy Birthday Brien!! You will always be my little man and the heart of the game!! I love you forever and always!! Muah!! Love Mom.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIEN!!!! LOVE YA!!!! Love your stepdad, Alan

 Happy Birthday Brien! We love you and miss you! Love, Aunt Cathy :)


Happy 25th Birthday, Brien Andrew Maloney. 25 woulda looked damn good on you! I can't believe it's been 11 years without you.... I just hope we still make you proud lil buddy!! ♥ Kelley-Rose

Happy birthday Brien!! I can't believe you would have been 25 and able to rent a car! I can't help but wonder if you would have been able to see over the steering wheel though! ;) I miss you each and everyday but then again I look at how blessed I am and I know it's because I have you as my guardian angel! Continue resting in piece!! I love you so much! Can't wait to reunite with you in heaven one day ♥ Love your baby sis, Kaitlyn

happy birthday! Love Roxy

Happy Birthday. Love Alyssa

♥ Happy birthday Brien Love Ashley

Happy 25th bday Brien, This year we did the impossible and made the Clippers good just for you... Miss you bro. Love Kyle

Happy Birthday Bro I miss you and love u cant believe u r 25years old can't wait to see u again  Love your sis, Katie

Thinking of and missing our Brien today... It's his 25th Birthday!!! Love You! Love your stepmom Jan

Happy 25th birthday to a very missed and loved brother of mine! ♥ Love your sis Stacey

Happy Birthday to Brien!! Love Kristin

Happy Birthday Brien love your friends, Dana, Ashley, Candice J., Jessica, Tami, Charise, Erik, Laila, Nicole, Lyn,  Andria, Kisha, Amy, Daniel, Zaria, Shay, Cecelia, Mandy,Reginald,Beatriz, Jamie,Amanda, Katie M, Stephanie, Alex, Melissa,Katie S, Giulie, Susie,Kyle A., Sean, Rebekah, Trina, Amber, Missy, Carly, Katelyn H., Lauren, Samuel, Bethany, Ryan, Cheyenne, Sean P., Bryon, Mely, Nichole, Adrienne, Brandon O., David O., Robyn, Kelly,  Kirsten, Robert R., Pat, Gina, Michelle,  Robyn C., Ami K., Todd,  Steven, Carlos, Jamie A., Ryan R., Keith, Chris, Shannon, Nicole A., Mike, Joshua, Jilda, Ray, Mark H., Kelsie, Katy N, Nathan N., Phil C., Bonnie, Rachel M. LouAnn, Rose, Jae, Linda B., Anthony, Sandra S. Ileana, Audrey, Mike T., and Aaron. (I hope I got everyone)


The other day my niece, Madison, wanted to make sure that the world knew "I love my uncle Brien. I wanted to meet him and someday I will. I love him. Happy Birthday Uncle Brien!"

Dear Brien,
I hope you know just how much you are loved and missed. I just wanted to say on your special day how much I love you. You were such a great little brother. The world and my life are a little sadder without you in them. I know that even to this day you still touch lives. You are a hero in my eyes. Thank you for teaching me just how to live. I love you. Happy Birthday my white chocolate.
Love always your big sis,
Aimee!


Thank you to everyone who remembers Brien on his birthday and for all those that wish us, his family, just kind words, well wishes, thoughts and prayers. It truely means alot to us.

*This year for the blog I am looking for some great funny stories of Brien. Feel free to send them to me*

Its that time of year again.

Today is February 2nd which means tomorrow is the 3rd. What would have been Brien's 25th birthday. 12 days later marks the 11th year he went to heaven. Not a day, a hour, a minute goes by where I don't think of him. That I don't wish he was here, making me smile, making me laugh, making me try new things meet new people. All though I know he can see everything, I still feel like I want to tell him everything he is missing.
Of course this month also mean the Brien Project is back in full force. For which I need your help. If you want to write something about him or to him or just send pictures please feel free.

{In this picture I have always seen an older version of Brien we were never blessed to actually see}

Brien will never be forgotten. His legacy lives in each one of us. Brien you are missed. I am glad you have your best friends with you but we miss the three of you down here.

Black and White

Maybe its the holiday, maybe its because i miss you so. Or maybe its because I see you wherever I go. But lately I think about you more then normal. I see you everywhere from the little girl at work who is super excited to be getting a new soccer ball to the silly teenager getting ready to go on a snow trip. I see you in everyone. A smile, a look, a glimpse, a laugh, a spark of joy, sparkly blues eyes or a simple smile I see you everywhere. And goshdarnitt I miss you like hell.

I wrote this poem 2 years ago, a few days before christmas.


Black and White
12-21-2009
-----------------
I sit here staring,
the black and white photograph
staring back at me.
so many emotions,
so many memories,
yet I cant stare
long enough to get
the color back in your eyes.
its ever haunting,
ever running,
I have forgotten
the sound of your laugh,
the softness of your voice,
the blueness of your eyes.
the picture stare back at me,
void of color,
void of life,
void of everything you ever were,
everything you could have become,
all those words never spoken,
these tears are not for you,
but for me,
because i cant remember your
favorite anything,
you were my everything,
and i cant remember anything,
i try to get back just the
sound of you,
and i cant even remember
the smallest thing,
the tiniest laugh,
the smallest detail of
your everyday life.
the only memory that comes to me,
is you lieing ever so still,
no sound,
no touch,
no life,
your eyes lost its color,
your lips lost its smile,
your skin lost its warmth.
All I want is you back,
here with me,
I just want to have you back,
and i cant
your lost to me,
all i have is this
black and white photograph.

This photo was taken the last Christmas Brien was here with us. Sometimes I look at it and think I can see what he would have looked like now and sometimes all I see is a little boy. This photo is the one that inspired the poem. Its the picture that was everywhere after his death. Looking back its one of three picture that inspired me to become a photographer. I know in my heart Brien is in a better place but that doesnt ease the pain of missing him.

Please remember in all your crazy going abouts that you slow down enjoy the time you have. The people you love. Small things shouldnt matter. Just enjoy this moment no matter how hard times may be. You may just look back and remember it not as the time you didnt have anything but as the time that you had everything with the person/people you love. Take a moment and tell those you love that you do love them. Take the time to forgive, forget and move forward.

Please also remember when you get in you car today, tomorrow or whenever to go the speed limit and follow the road signs and signals. Red light, green light is not a game when you behind the wheel. Dont just think about yourself there are other people on the road. Other mothers, fathers, sister and little brothers. Be safe.

A Christmas Poem

I wrote this poem in december of 2009. I still feel this way. Christmas is still very hard time for me. But I do love Christmas it just isnt the same with an empty seat at the table. I still miss Brien every still damn day. The holidays are no different. In fact I prolly think about him more when people go about shopping and singing and having Christmas joy. I am by no means a grinch, like I said I love Christmas. Its a magical time of year. To me it would just be a whole lot more magical with Brien here.

Christmas without you
------------------------
Christmas isnt really christmas
without you, I am standing
here looking around at all the
tinkling lights and there is no lights
that will ever shine as bright as your eyes
its been years and years and years
and still christmas isnt
the same with out you. I am at
a lost. looking around the mall
and still want to find you that
perfect present that perfect toy
yet i dont even have you to give
it to. all the joy that surrounds
me is all void without you
i am a reall big grinch this
time of year. i cant seem to
get into the spirit without you
you made my day everyday
christmas just isnt the same
without you. your laughter isnt
here to fill a room,
you care free attitude now
lies 6 feet below the ground.
how do i do christmas without you?
it doest get easier as time goes bye,
all those people lied,.
it only get harder, time doesnt
heal just mask the pain.
every year is the hardest one so far.
the farther away i get for you the
more i want to rewind time
to catch a glispe of you
at christmas time.
listin to you sing the carols,
watch you decorate the tree.
get messy with you as we bake
all those sugar cookies.
will christmas ever be the same
without you?

A picture.

Today I looked at a picture of you. Today I missed you  more then yesterday. Today I wish you were here. Today I held a picture of you. Today I wished I was hugging you instead

Just a Note

Dear Brien,
Gosh darn I miss the heck out of you. Yesterday was the womens FIFA world cup, and I wonder if soccer fever would have caught you too. Who am I kidding? Soccers a sport and your a sport nut. So much is going on in my life and I wish I had you to talk to. Or at least you would talk back. But mostly all I want to tell you is that I miss you and I love you. Sometimes I read this little blog I have set up to get a good cry because sometimes my tears come from words I spoke outta of saddness. And for some reason I feel closer to you writing this blog. I hope you have internet in heaven so you can read this too. I cant believe you have been out of my life for nearly 10 and a half years. I could catch you up on all you missed but you already have the best seat in the house. This is just a note to say I love you.
Always and forever your big sis,
Aimee

Today

Today is one of Brien's best friends birthday. Normally things like this dont hit me all that hard or I dont think about it all that much. But facebook reminded me that Dom turns 24. Happy Birthday Dom. I wonder if Brien and Dom would have still been friends. If they would be out scoping chicks and causing trouble. I believe that they would have been doing just that. I guess when FB reminded me to say Happy Birthday to Dom, it also reminded me what Brien is missing out on. Or rather what we are missing out on not having him here. Its hard to explain I guess.

So happy birthday Dominic. I know Brien is celebrating right there with you. Enjoy you day. And thank you for being my brothers best friend.