11 years ago...

Ok   so I know that promised the blog Iwas going to do yesterday today but I decided I will wait and do that blog tomorrow. Honestly mainly because I am lazy and have to download picture/find pictures etc. Also today is February 15th.

On this day 11 years ago at around 9/10 o'clock in the evening my worst nightmares began. And I actually thought it was a nightmare and not real life. I have never in my life been so numb or so in shock as I was that night. It literally became the worst day of my life, nothing will ever compare, or rather I pray it doesn't. I guess I should start at the top.

February 15, 2001 started off like any other day. I was at my moms, most likely woke up to an alarm that was set way too early for my sister, Stacey, to get ready for her day. I also most likely threw something at her to wake her up because while she did set her alarm it never did seem to wake her. It would only wake me and I would just start throwing things at her until she turned off the alarm. That was her morning wake up. I then eventually got up and ready for high school. And off to school we went. It was like an other school day, long and boring. After school I am sure I attempted to do homework. The whole family made it out to Brien's basketball game. Brien got to play a little in this game. But when he wasn't playing he was cheering louder and harder then even Stacey the cheerleader. The day was overall pretty ordinary. Nothing of note really had happened up to that point.Sometime around 4 or 5 I talked to Katie Nelson on the phone. She ask if I could make it to a basketball game at Ontario High. I don't remember however if I ask to go or not. I do remember telling her I would call her back. I never did get the chance. I think at some point I got in trouble with the folks. When this happen as a moody sulking teen I tended to head straight to bed. It had to have been after dinner sometime. I slept for the last time peacefully, until Stacey came to wake me up around 9 or 10. I thought I was in trouble again and reluctantly went to see my mom who was sitting in our big blue chair head in her hands, crying and simply said "Brien was in a car accident". And with those simple 6 words my world was shattered, broken and would never be the same. Quietly we load ourselves in the car and drove to the chino hospital. The entire way I sat in the back seat of the van and prayed. "Please let me just see Brien again." I repeated those words so many  times I lost count. My mom and stepdad, Alan, got out of the car and quickly returned. We drove in silence to the crash site of walnut and euclid. The entire time saying my prayer. This part I remember vividly, two mangled cars, an ambulance, and two blue tarps. My family got out of the car but I stayed in. I couldnt move, I couldnt think. In my head I was screaming and running towards those blue tarps. In reality I was sitting in the back seat my forehead pressed against the cold glass window. The rest of the night was a blur. I dont remember who told me that Brien, Katie, and Curtis were all dead. Who told me Mama Katy and Joe (Katie's parents) were in the hospital. I do remember going to my dads where the house was full of people but the little kids (Katie, Kake and Kurt) all asleep still. I for a good while thought to myself "why are they just letting Kurt sleep, should he know his brother is gone. His best friend isnt coming back." I finally made the hardest choice of my life, I went to Brien and Kurt's room and watched Kurt sleep peacefully for a while. Sat on his bed, stroked his hair and then gently woke him up. Mentally I was preparing for those words, I dreaded it. Kurt sat up, looked strangely at me. And I calmly said "Kurt, Brien was in a car accident, he didnt make it. Katie and Curtis are gone too." Kurt's big eyes looked at me and filled with tears. My little 12 year old brother crawled in my lap wraps his arms around my neck and cried. I rocked him and let the tears just fall. It was the first time I cried that night. I dont know how long I held onto Kurt. While this moment defined the worst moment in my life, it was a special bonding time between Kurt and I.
The next things I remember of this night was calling my two best friends, Amy and Kristin. And I walked with the neighborhood kids, Kyle(my oldest brother), Daniel(Katie's Brother), Casey(Curtis' Brother) and the Damico boys, Mike and Matt. We walked for hours and hours and hours. Aimlessly just walked. Mike and I ended up walking all night. Hardly any words were spoken. Words didnt need to be spoken. All of us teens were devastated,heartbroken and scared. We probably didnt have words, the oldest of us was maybe 19, no body could have prepared us for that being so young. Are lives were forever changed.

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Everyone has a favorite memory of someone they love that has gone on to shoot hoops with Jesus. I am no different. I have a memory of Brien that is honestly my favorite memory prolly of all time. I think of it often because it always brings a smile and maybe a tear or two. And I am very blessed that this memory also includes Katie and Curtis. Honestly it should because those three were stuck together like glue. And in a way they still are. I haven't shared this memory with anyone in a long time. I guess I like to keep it to myself but its time to share the memory now. I am going to write this little memory more in the way I talk, so please excuse the abundance of so's, ands, and likes.

I think I might have been 14, Brien 12 and Katie and Curtis 13ish maybe we were all a little older. So to start off this story there is something you need to know. I had a HUGE and i mean huge crush on a neighbor boy name Michael Damico. If you grew up in my neighborhood or knew me as a teenager this comes honestly as no shock. Also as a teenager I was quite shy. One day Mike and I were sitting on the curb in front of Katie Nelson's house talking. We were sitting pretty close to each other. Probably flirting with each other in the best way I know how which isnt very good even now. It was dark outside prolly just after dust. The Nelson's outside lights were on but for the most part Mike and I were in the dark. We thought (or I thought I wont think for Mike) we were alone. One thing I have learn is growing up in my neighborhood one is never alone. Anyhoo Mike and I were talking some serious talk, whatever was serious at that age I guess. We were facing the street, therefore our backs to the driveway. Next thing we know Brien is signing that old K-I-S-S-I-N-G song. You know that one kids sing. Insert Mike and I's names. Sing it to yourself really loud. That was Brien singing. As if that wasnt embaressing enough now add Katie and Curtis acting out the song pretend they were us. Then Bri stops singing and Katie and Curtis go into a nice little skit they made up. It went something like this. (before i get into the script as i remember it, i am sorry for the ignorant remarks we were kids and this stuff was funny to us. )

Curtis(playing mike): Oh Aimee, will you be my girlfriend
Katie(playing me): Oh mike I thought you would never ask but are you sure we can you know cuz your mormon and i am not.(Little background Mike at this time wasnt mormon but a lot of his friends were.)
Curtis: Oh.. I will quit being mormon just for you.
Katie:  Oh mike.. (insert kissy noises etc)
Brien: And they dated all through high school.
Curtis: (down on one knee) Aimee will you marry me?
Katie: Oh yes mike
Brien: Today we are gathered here to join these two in holy matormony. will you mike take aimee to be your lawful wedded wife until death do you part?
Curtis: I do
Brien: Aimee do you take Mike to be your lawful wedded husband until death do you part?
Katie:  I do
Brien: Now you may kiss the bride: (Insert really loud annoying kissy noises)

by this time I was really really beat red with embaressment. And Mike finally tells them to quit it.
And we all laughed and laughed.

This is my favorite memory not because i was truely embaressed but because this little skit was ment just for me(and mike). And this was just the way the three of them were. Fun to be around, funny and full of mischieve. I miss that.

These pictures are from my 16th birthday party

From the back left, Daniel Nelson(Katie's big brother), Mike Damico, Sarah(my cousin), next row from left, Annie(my cousin) Me, Stacey(my sister) Brien, and Kake(my sister)

Oh fun times! From left around the trash can Brien's legs are sticking out of. Annie, Daniel, Mike, Katie Nelson, Stacey, Kake, and Aaron(baby brother).

Brien and Mike

Somedays

Sometimes I still get the urge to call him. Or to run across the street to hang out with her. I still get the urge to sit in parked cars just to hang out and sing really badly with them. It only takes a moment to burst the happiness I felt because then I remember that I cant do that.
Even good days have a little saddness in them because they are not here to share it with us. Somedays more then others I just really miss them a little bit more. I am thankful for the moments I had. But I wish I could have had more. A lot more.

Today is one of those days.

Brien. You are missed.

Katie and Curtis. You are missed.

Its that time of year again.

Today is February 2nd which means tomorrow is the 3rd. What would have been Brien's 25th birthday. 12 days later marks the 11th year he went to heaven. Not a day, a hour, a minute goes by where I don't think of him. That I don't wish he was here, making me smile, making me laugh, making me try new things meet new people. All though I know he can see everything, I still feel like I want to tell him everything he is missing.
Of course this month also mean the Brien Project is back in full force. For which I need your help. If you want to write something about him or to him or just send pictures please feel free.

{In this picture I have always seen an older version of Brien we were never blessed to actually see}

Brien will never be forgotten. His legacy lives in each one of us. Brien you are missed. I am glad you have your best friends with you but we miss the three of you down here.