Ramona

Today I drove by Ramona Jr High school, and a flood of memories came back to me. This is the school Brien attended before he passed.
Today, I saw a kids walking to class, backpacks strapped on, some bright-eyed and bushy tailed, some boys play fighting, girls gossiping, while other kids had their heads hung low, eyes to the ground. Then this one boy stood out from the crowd of kids walking in line, this boy was walking backwards, laughing, joking with a few kids, then he moved on to the next group of teenagers, laughed, joked, moved on. All the way up the line, those kids with heads hung low, raised their heads if even for a moment to laugh and smile at this angel of a boy. This boy didn't have an enemy in sight, class, group, age, color, or moods would keep this boy from talking to you it seemed, everyone was his friend. I could just imagine that all these kids thought this boy was their best friend, part of their group, their personal angel, the one that came to brighten their day. This boy had something special and I pray to God he doesn't loose it. I pray that it becomes who he is and how he is remember years from now by everyone he encounters.

This boy reminds me so dearly of my brother Brien, who was just in 8th grade 11 years ago. He was also everyone friend, he brighted everyone's day.

I don't know who this boy is, I only saw a glimpse of him. I only saw him the the length of a red light but this boy made my day. He brought me back to 11 years ago with my brother. He doesn't even know this but he touch the life of someone he will probably never meet, simply because his bright personality shown greater then the rest of the crowd. Thank you, Boy, for being different, for being you, when so many others want to be someone else. Thank you for being someone sunshine in the midst of their storm.

Permanant Love

So I have been saying for days that I was going to write this blog and my sisters threw a wrench in the plans. Well that is because I wanted to do a blog on tattoos that we(siblings and I) have gotten in memory of Brien. The sisters decided to get match tats in memory of Bri on the 11th anniversary of his death. So I couldnt do the blog until theirs were done. Then I just kinda got lazy.

Kyle, Stacey, Kake and I all have a permanent mark of our love for Brien inked on our skin. I know we all have ours for slightly different reasons. But one reason that remains the same is for a memory of Brien we carry everywhere.

Kyle got his first. Within the first year(I believe) of Brien's death. He went with his best friend Daniel who is also Katie's older brother. Kyle got his tat and Daniel got the same one with Katie's name and if I remember correctly color.

I have two tats for Brien, one on my lower back and one on my wrist. My wrist tat is in memory of the three of them and it has Brien's basketball number as well.

Kake has a total of 3 tats for Brien. One of Bri's initials on her wrist, an angel down her side and a basketball on her ankle.

For some reason I dont have a picture of Kake's wrist tat.

Stacey just recently got her Brien tat. It is the same as Kake's they did it together.

11 years ago...

Ok   so I know that promised the blog Iwas going to do yesterday today but I decided I will wait and do that blog tomorrow. Honestly mainly because I am lazy and have to download picture/find pictures etc. Also today is February 15th.

On this day 11 years ago at around 9/10 o'clock in the evening my worst nightmares began. And I actually thought it was a nightmare and not real life. I have never in my life been so numb or so in shock as I was that night. It literally became the worst day of my life, nothing will ever compare, or rather I pray it doesn't. I guess I should start at the top.

February 15, 2001 started off like any other day. I was at my moms, most likely woke up to an alarm that was set way too early for my sister, Stacey, to get ready for her day. I also most likely threw something at her to wake her up because while she did set her alarm it never did seem to wake her. It would only wake me and I would just start throwing things at her until she turned off the alarm. That was her morning wake up. I then eventually got up and ready for high school. And off to school we went. It was like an other school day, long and boring. After school I am sure I attempted to do homework. The whole family made it out to Brien's basketball game. Brien got to play a little in this game. But when he wasn't playing he was cheering louder and harder then even Stacey the cheerleader. The day was overall pretty ordinary. Nothing of note really had happened up to that point.Sometime around 4 or 5 I talked to Katie Nelson on the phone. She ask if I could make it to a basketball game at Ontario High. I don't remember however if I ask to go or not. I do remember telling her I would call her back. I never did get the chance. I think at some point I got in trouble with the folks. When this happen as a moody sulking teen I tended to head straight to bed. It had to have been after dinner sometime. I slept for the last time peacefully, until Stacey came to wake me up around 9 or 10. I thought I was in trouble again and reluctantly went to see my mom who was sitting in our big blue chair head in her hands, crying and simply said "Brien was in a car accident". And with those simple 6 words my world was shattered, broken and would never be the same. Quietly we load ourselves in the car and drove to the chino hospital. The entire way I sat in the back seat of the van and prayed. "Please let me just see Brien again." I repeated those words so many  times I lost count. My mom and stepdad, Alan, got out of the car and quickly returned. We drove in silence to the crash site of walnut and euclid. The entire time saying my prayer. This part I remember vividly, two mangled cars, an ambulance, and two blue tarps. My family got out of the car but I stayed in. I couldnt move, I couldnt think. In my head I was screaming and running towards those blue tarps. In reality I was sitting in the back seat my forehead pressed against the cold glass window. The rest of the night was a blur. I dont remember who told me that Brien, Katie, and Curtis were all dead. Who told me Mama Katy and Joe (Katie's parents) were in the hospital. I do remember going to my dads where the house was full of people but the little kids (Katie, Kake and Kurt) all asleep still. I for a good while thought to myself "why are they just letting Kurt sleep, should he know his brother is gone. His best friend isnt coming back." I finally made the hardest choice of my life, I went to Brien and Kurt's room and watched Kurt sleep peacefully for a while. Sat on his bed, stroked his hair and then gently woke him up. Mentally I was preparing for those words, I dreaded it. Kurt sat up, looked strangely at me. And I calmly said "Kurt, Brien was in a car accident, he didnt make it. Katie and Curtis are gone too." Kurt's big eyes looked at me and filled with tears. My little 12 year old brother crawled in my lap wraps his arms around my neck and cried. I rocked him and let the tears just fall. It was the first time I cried that night. I dont know how long I held onto Kurt. While this moment defined the worst moment in my life, it was a special bonding time between Kurt and I.
The next things I remember of this night was calling my two best friends, Amy and Kristin. And I walked with the neighborhood kids, Kyle(my oldest brother), Daniel(Katie's Brother), Casey(Curtis' Brother) and the Damico boys, Mike and Matt. We walked for hours and hours and hours. Aimlessly just walked. Mike and I ended up walking all night. Hardly any words were spoken. Words didnt need to be spoken. All of us teens were devastated,heartbroken and scared. We probably didnt have words, the oldest of us was maybe 19, no body could have prepared us for that being so young. Are lives were forever changed.

Little Ceasar

So I had this great post all lined up for today but two of my awesome sisters threw a wrench in the plans so that post will be moved until tomorrow or thursday. Now I dont really have a clue what to write. I dont plan these blogs out in advance just kinda go as the day takes me. So sorry if this makes no sense.

Today is the day of love, it is also Arizona's 100th birthday. Eleven years ago it was the last day Brien ever laid his head on his pillow for the night.  This is what I always think about on valentines day.

Brien was filled with so much love for others. I just wanted the world to know that. He never met a person he didnt like. He was the most popular kid in school not because he was the tallest, handsomest, richest or even the funniest(even though he was pretty funny and handsome) he was just the most outgoing, caring, friendliest person you'd ever meet. He knew no stranger. He could charm his way into a starring role just with his smile. Which he did by the way. It took me  a good 5 hours to watch youtube video of old 90's commercials to find the one where Brien charmed his way into one of the principal roles but after searching for it for forever I finally found it. Orginally Brien was only supposed to be an extra, but the director saw him and his adorable face and casted him as the principal. In this little ceasars commercial Brien is the little boy with the baseball glove smiling huge into the camera. Enjoy!

Click here to see it

Finding this commercial has also made me want to find all his other commercials.

This picture was one of his headshots.

****This post was the Feb 14th post but it took me all night to find the commercial*****

Whitney

As you all probably know by now, Whitney Houston has died. If you did not know this then you must live under a rock with no radio, tv or Internet access. Honestly I was never a huge Whitney fan(Now before you get your panties in a bind, Whitney is an amazing singer. She will be missed the point is I never went out and bought a CD of hers) , however there is one song that of hers that I will forever link to my bro Brien.  That song is "I will always love you." While this song is a great vocal song when I hear it I automatically hear/see Brien lip singing it to Joseph for a talent show we had one year at Refugio. And my word was it the funniest thing I ever did see. Brien got into the song. Joseph was just as funny too.
Here for your viewing delight a picture of Brien signing the song....

Now while your looking at the picture listen to Whitney sing it while imaging Brien lip singing it with  all his little heart. Enjoy :)

Chicken Pox

I am spending the weekend in AZ with my mom, stepdad and baby brother. Mom and I were talking about memories we have of Brien and I just remember this small snip it of a memory of me with the chicken pox. My mom put my older brother, Kyle and little brother, Brien in the bath with me and a sock full of oatmeal. I remember this because it strange to me to take a bath with a sock. I am sure there are actual picture of all of us in the bath. You instead get the Easter picture of me with the chicken pox. Just in case you were wondering Brien never did end of getting the chicken pox. I guess the oatmeal in the sock worked after all.

A small note from Mom

Even though Brien got older he always kissed me goodnight even until the day he died at 14. He wasnt even afraid to kiss me on the lips. He was my only boy who did that into his teens.

{Mom with her kids.}